Coming To Terms With Retirement

Silver Talkies Club Member Lalitha Desikan shares her thoughts on retirement, a sentiment many may echo with.

Retirement? A term long associated with old age, slowed pace, failing health, and a quiet lifestyle.

"Oh good! Put your feet up and just relax".

Great! "You will now have time to stop and smell the roses".

These were comments from people on hearing about my choosing to retire. But ask me - the person who has stepped down – retired! -- from a well-loved, satisfying job, what she feels, and I think the response may be very different!

As you may have guessed, I am in that phase of my life.

I spent more than three decades in a job (do I even want to call it a job?), which has taught me so much about life, people, and growing minds. A job which I thoroughly enjoyed, which gave me dignity, respect, recognition and, most of all, a feeling of self–worth.

Was the money that came with it and will now be no more, keeping me at work long after the 'normal' retirement age? Not really, I can say honestly. However, it did help build my nest egg for old age! Was it power, recognition, or awe … I don't think so again.

I enjoyed my work because it gave me confidence, and I loved the 'respect' it brought. But does it mean I want to cling on to these ephemeral things? Am I really so self-centred? So self–absorbed? Why am I feeling so down in the dumps when my retirement days seem closer than it was a month ago? I shed tears, contemplated, did some soul-searching and think I have some answers.

I will miss the bonhomie, the laughter, and the lunch sessions with the management family. I will miss that 'incredible' feeling when the Head of the Institution tells me she is confident of my sincerity and ability. What I will also miss, I know now, are the interactions with the many people I have worked with. My association and dialogues with troubled/impossible/youngsters and teenagers. My feel-good factor when at the end of a long conversation – starting with denial but leading to self-realisation, it dawns on my student/teacher that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

The comfort with which they leave my room, the little notes and messages of thank you, the shared smile without words when my eyes ask a question, and the other responds in a crowded room – I think these are the things I will miss. Promises to stay in touch. Real now but which I know will fade with time; the professional but personal connection I have with many of my associates and students. I know that is what I will miss; that is what fills my eyes and chokes my throat.

Am I being silly, impractical, immature, or an emotional fool or will my feelings, too, go through the process of grief before there is acceptance and peace? I am practical enough to know I will find both, but I also know that one corner of my heart and mind will always treasure this never to be forgotten experience. 

Do you identify with Lalitha's thoughts during retirement? How did you feel as you neared your retirement? Share it with us here

Images courtesy: Author

Cover image: Pixabay 

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